We said children misbehave because they want attention, because they want to control the parent, they want to get back at the parent with revenge, or just give up and say “I cannot “. Children don’t know their misbehaviour has a goal. They may also use the same misbehaviour to seek different goals. A parent’s own behaviour can re-enforce a child’s misbehaviour.

The key to knowing the goal is to look at the following clues:

  1. How the child behaves;
  2. How you feel about the behaviour;
  3. What you do in response to the behaviour
  4. How the child responds to your response

Goal of REVENGE-seeking behaviour can be ACTIVE such as

Goal of REVENGE seeking behaviour can be PASSIVE, such as


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