What does cooperation mean in the family context?
Cooperating means working together; Children can be responsible for some of their own problems;You and your child can talk together and solve problems; Family meetings help families enjoy each other and solve problems together.
How can I help my child cooperate?
Cooperation means working together. It does not mean that children do what adults order them to do.
You need to decide who owns the problem. To decide who owns the problem, ask yourself four questions:
- Are my rights being disrespected?; Could anybody get hurt? ;Are someone’s belongings threatened?; Is my child too young to be responsible for this problem?
- If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then the parent own the problem. If the answer to every question is no, then the child owns the problem.
- The person who owns a problem is responsible for solving it. Does this means you shouldn’t help your child solve a problem? No. Sometimes you will want to help your child, but if the problem belangs to a child, then the child is in charge of it.
Sometimes the child owns the problem.
He says “Nobody likes me”
- As parent you can keep listening to the child’s feelings. If the child wants help, you can help him think of ways to get along with friends. Let child know that you loves and respects him. As parent you can however not change how the child’s friends act. Making and keeping friends is something the child has to do for himself.
Sometimes the parent owns the problem.
Your child has started to be rude to you. In the car on the way to school, she told her friend, “My mom is the stupidest lady in the world.” You feel hurt by this. She feels mad too. You asmom has a right to be treated with respect. So you owns this problem.
What could you do mom? You can think about the child’s goal. You may think your child wants to get even. If so, you can do something your child doesn’t expect. You might just ignore the rudeness for a while. Later, when you are alone, you can use an I-message to tell yout child how you feel: “When you call me names, I feel discouraged. It seems like you don’t respect me.”
How can my child and I solve problems together?
You can help yout child see the choices and the possible consequences, in other words, by exploring alternatives. Talk the problem through with the yout Take time to llsten, talk and agree about a way to solve the problem.
1. Understand the problem/Use reflective listening to understand and clarify yout child’s feelings.
2. Brainstorm ideas to solve it/Explore alternatives through brainstorming.
3. Discuss the ideas/Discuss the probable results of the decision.
4. Choose an idea and use the idea
