The Joy of Parenting. Managing my child’s attention.

We said children misbehave because they want attention, because they want to control the parent, they want to get back at the parent with revenge, or just give up and say “I cannot “. Children don’t know their misbehaviour has a goal. They may also use the same misbehaviour to seek different goals. A parent’s own behaviour can re-enforce a child’s misbehaviour.

The key to knowing the goal is to look at the following clues:

1. How your child behaves;
2. How you feel about the behaviour;
3. What you do in response to the behaviour
4. How the child responds to your response

Goal of ATTENTION seeking behaviour can be

ACTIVE such as:

• Interrupting and clowning, or

PASSIVE such as:

• Forgetting or not doing chores

CHECK YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT THIS BEHAVIOUR

You may feel bothered or annoyed, and you react by

• Reminding,
• Nagging, scolding.

THE CHILD MAY REACT AS FOLLOWS

• stopping temporarily, but
• later misbehaves again;

 IT MAY BE MORE HELPFUL IF YOUR RESPONSE IS TO :

• Ignore when possible and not give attention on demand;
• Give attention to good behaviour at other times;